I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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