She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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