I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I didn't notice because vodka
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
