in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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