so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
