He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
