Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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