We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
