i love accidental penises.
nutella sex= disaster
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
