apparently the secret to your success is patron
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
