I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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