Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
