like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
