I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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