you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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