i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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