I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
