who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
