Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
