dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
