literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize