How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
