I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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