Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
why do cheetos always look like penises
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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