I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
