thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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