puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
