I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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