I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
