I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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