Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
