I'm so fucking centered right now
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
