This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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