R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My dick has a subreddit
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
