Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
