the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
