can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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