Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
