I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
