Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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