I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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