so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she told me i tasted like america
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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