Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
