Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
