She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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