YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
