You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
pray to the hookup gods
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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