Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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