i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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