He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it hurts more in the daytime
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
