New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
please come you make the beer taste better
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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