Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize