I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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