So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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