Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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