bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
