My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
