she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
