If i come over, it means nothing
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
