i need an iv and a liver transplant
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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