He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize