before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
