I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
