I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
