Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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