I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
