Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
