He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
