it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
