Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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