Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
