Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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