Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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