walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
