So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
