I'm going to jail i love you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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