i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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