WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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