Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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