I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
