My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
