Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
