You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
