Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
