You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
