we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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