my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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