your room smells of hookers.
And success
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
