dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
