I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
