Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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