I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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