my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
