She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
