In the future we'll all be gay
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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