do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
