Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ugly people sure do ruin things
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
