Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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