She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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