He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
