3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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