Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
