My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
