So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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