You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
