I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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