Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
