just tell him i said nine months
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize