I'm going to jail i love you
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
this is an emotional support booty call
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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